All is calm on the surface. Barely a ripple. Ducks are an incredible example of peace on the outside, mad struggle underneath.
My dad explained this concept to me. When firefighters find themselves in a new or scary situation, they appear calm yet underneath they are scrambling. Hence the term; Duck medicine. That phrase is comforting and revealing. I suppose we all feel that way sometimes. Even big strong firemen.
Lately I have felt that way more often than I would like to admit. Storm below the surface, calm on the outside. Trying to patch holes in the titanic before it sinks.
Not that I'm sinking, not exactly. Just paddling hard to stay in the current.
Sometimes it's hard to trust that good things will come. Sometimes it's hard to believe that the work I do really does make a difference. Sometimes it's hard to feel at home in a new place in life. A new phase.
The thing about school is that I had an identity in it all. Student. If I didn't have plans on the weekend that was actually beneficial to my grades.
Now I find myself in a place of rediscovery. What do I fill my time with now? How do I find purpose in the small things now that my big purpose finding a career had finally become part of my life?
I'm not sure how to answer these questions today. But I'll keep on paddling until I find my current.
